Last week was Bi-visibility week and I had a wonderful time meeting fantastic folks, meeting up with a good friend, reading so many inspiring stories and following the hashtags #bivisibility #stillbisexual. It got me thinking about my own experiences and the following is a brief summery of some questions I have actually been asked or comments that have been made in conversation.
*Isn’t that just greedy?
No, just because I’m attracted to people regardless of their gender doesn’t mean I’m greedy. The idea of this is that apparently being bi naturally equals that you want to sleep with absolutely everyone on the planet. Just because I’m bi-sexual doesn’t mean I sleep around or that I will sleep with anyone. This is like me assuming that because you are straight you want to sleep with the entire of the opposite gender and thinking your greedy for wanting them all.
*But that’s just being slut. Bi’s are easy or will sleep with anyone. (this one takes many forms)
Refer to above. It’s an orientation and says nothing about my sexual appetite or practice, stop assuming that bi’s are easy and will sleep with anyone. Importantly this is also no more than an act of shamming, heavens forbid people to have some consensual fun.
*But your married to a man.
Yes, and happily. Being married doesn’t suddenly make me straight neither would being in a relationship with a women make me a lesbian. I’m me and being in a relationship doesn’t mean I suddenly stop thinking someone is attractive. The concept that you are what you date is little more than bi eraser.
*Are you even capable of monogamy.
Yes, why wouldn’t I be? are you? Do straight people suddenly stop finding everyone else attractive just because they are in a relationship. Being attracted doesn’t mean I will act on that feeling or even that I want to.
*Have you been with the opposite sex, have you been with a woman?
This one is actually none of your business nor is it relative to being bi-sexual. Bi is attraction, straight people don’t need to have sex to know who they find attractive and neither does anyone else. Who I have or haven’t had sex with has no bearing on my orientation.
*Have you had multiple partners, threesome?
Again none of your business and not related to my orientation. Again why not? Why does a blinkered linear view of sexuality seem so important. This is nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with consensual choice.
*We’re friends do you find me attractive?
This one is most difficult in high school but continues with some people that don’t grow up. Unfortunately it costs friends. If I say no then whats wrong with you but if I say yes suddenly you start acting differently. We are friends and I value that leave it at that.
*Can you not just make up your mind?
I did, I’m Bisexual. Also it’s wasn’t a choice just like your orientation isn’t yours but being ignorant and judgmental are choices far to many people choose to make .
For those that want to know more check out:
http://www.bivisibilityday.com/
Moo-ther Earth 